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Age. 29
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location San Jose, CA
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Broken-Hearted and Lovin' it
Thursday. 4.5.07 12:54 am
Actually, I'm not loving it.

Anyways, it's been a week and a half now, so I guess I'm feeling a lot better than before. On March 24th, I was feeling like utter sh*t. I'm a lot better now. :]

Funny thing was, over the weekend I was chatting with Kuri, and I found out that she broke up with her boyfriend in February. Sorry I haven't been keeping up with your blog Kuri, I was kinda still in lovey-dovey land at that point.

My boyfriend dumped me on March 24th, and the funny thing is that it was pretty much the opposite of Kuri's story. He told me that he always felt insecure and didn't think I loved him enough. He also said that he was always waiting for me, going out of his way to see me, doing little things to make me happy, but I wasn't making the same effort...and I realized that he was right. I kind of did take him for granted and didn't really try...

We were having a tough week even before that. We went on a date on that tuesday, and there was a lot of awkward silence, because he seemed preoccupied with something. Two days later, we had a big argument. He brought me flowers and a teddy bear and apologized, so we went on. But two days after that, he told me he wanted to break up. He said that I couldn't hold up my end of the relationship, and he couldn't wait for me. I don't remember half of what he said anymore...it's become a rather dull faded memory. Funny, I'd have thought memories like that stay clear in your head...

Five hours and thirty minutes after we broke up, he called me and apologized, saying that he still wanted to be with me. But my feelings were really hurt at that point, so I yelled at him, and told him that he was too indecisive and I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. And that was that.

The first week after we broke up was pretty tough. I had a bit of a break down on monday after seeing him again in school and ended up crying in the bathroom. He ignored me the whole day. On tuesday he tried to make some very polite conversation, but I was still kinda depressed, so we didn't really get anywhere. We ignored each other for another three days. Then on saturday, I was walking to the library and I saw him with this freshman girl from our school. I must say, the feeling that your heart's breaking into a thousand little pieces is very...interesting. Call me a sadist, but it was kinda cool. Didn't know my heart was capable of feeling that much pain. Anyways, I waved and smiled, exchanged some pleasant words, and went on my way.

Throughout all of this, my friends have been offering me their [very] silent support. They've been treating me like a glass doll or something...they're so careful about what topics they discuss around me. One of my friends started talking about this girl who dumped her boyfriend because he was cheating on her, and another one of my friends shushed her immediately.

So honestly, I still feel like crap now, but things are getting better. I've been really out of it recently, but now I feel like I can go on with life. No more moping around and eating chips. I'm starting to gain weight again...if I'm not careful I'll go up to 105 pounds...


I hope Dave doesn't think those things... I'm not the best at showing affection/whatnot.

Yeah... If you break up, you should probably stay apart. I've always noticed that people who get back together tend to have even bigger problems.

105 pounds? Stop complaining.
» ikimashokie on 2007-04-05 01:36:23

no worries. let me take u to celebrate ... u r now free to fish for other guys!!

» renaye on 2007-04-05 01:40:29

Your friends are being super nice. Don't worry, they'll be back to normal in a few more days if you're showing signs of moving on. Let's just say that your ex and you was not meant to be. It'll still hurt when you see him in the next few weeks and don't try to make yourself busy to forget about it because sometimes it just makes things worst.
» Nuttz on 2007-04-05 09:56:46

105 pounds? You could be a female sumo wrestler with that. Kidding, kidding.

About the break up.. they're always hard, especially if you really loved the guy. Maybe you just weren't ready for a relationship with him if you don't believe you were putting everything into it the first go around, 'ya know?

People say that time heals all wounds. For your sake, and mine, I hope they're right.
» Dilated on 2007-04-05 10:33:05

ah well, thats how life is.. people get mad and go bye bye... cant do anything about it... dont feel that sad... you still have everyone else ^^
and 105.. not very heavy XD
» crz4manga on 2007-04-05 04:25:05

*squeeeze* *muah*
It was sweet of him to give you teddy bears and all that, but isn't a break up a big thing? I'd expect one to think it through before approaching the subject. How could he apologize after and expect you to take him back? That, my friend, is NOT a good thing. You're better off without him, girl. ;) Cheer up. Here's some candy *gigantic pile*, go shopping *three credit cards*, and laughter *tickles you to death*. ^-^
» Silver-dot- on 2007-04-05 05:11:37

You don't know how tall she is so 105 could go either way. XD Damn I haven't weight 105 since I was 16. I gained 10 pounds in the summer before my Junior year and everyone told me how different and healthy I looked. XD

Time doesn't heal all wounds, but you're a smart cookie and I know you will remember what you've learned through this break-up and will remember what to do next to to make a relationship work. :) Then again one won't have to change much when they find who they should be with and some people don't want to be in a "needy" relationship...maybe you're that time. I hope you feel better soon! /huggles

Oh yeah you would be a M not an S for feeling that way. XD
» Katrina on 2007-04-07 10:39:00

You'll find someone better... time numbs down the pain... I had it worst when i was your age... XD ifeelold... but you move on and look back on it later in life and realize what you have now is better than him...

feel better soon~ junk foods help... but not too much... i gained 20 pounds that time that i was rejected by the guy that i liked for 3 years... @_@;;
» cynnielee on 2007-04-11 11:00:41

awww bless you honey... sry i havent really been keeping in touch with your blog either ^^;; awww i guess that's the other side of the story? ^^;; i know his side, i know how he feels though :( aww bless i feel so sorry for you... but at least you will know what to do in your next relationship? ^^;;
i hope i dont sound rude but your reaction sounds a lot like my ex's when i broke up with him ._.;; sigh... =/

dont worry... you'll find someone better next time ^_^ but always remember: relationship=*two* way thing... you can't keep taking and not giving. in this case it was a lot better since the giver was the GUY in the relationship. in my case... each time i think about it i get pissed off at Him ¬_¬

ahhh havent been here for ages! ANOTHER new layout? XD gorgeous!


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